Top 10 tips for dating on the Internet

By Barton Goldsmith
Scripps Howard News Service (reprinted with permission)

Given all the hoopla and even a network television show about dating via the Internet, I thought it prudent to share some tips about how to find your beloved in cyber-space.

1. Get a good head shot. The photos on dating sites are small, so a full body shot is not going to show a prospective mate how you look. Don't get one of those posed glamour shots; feather boas and bow ties won't show the real you. Remember that the eyes are the windows to the soul and to never judge a book by its cover.
2. Write your profile off-line. Take your time as you write about yourself, and tell the truth because the lies always come out. Also be sure to use spell check. If you're uncomfortable doing it yourself, there are services that will help you write a dynamite profile.
3. Don't give too much personal information. Get an anonymous e-mail address, and use a pen name to help you keep your privacy. Never give out your last name, phone number or home or work location until you've met with someone several times and feel safe.
4. Talk on the phone first. Yes, I know the last tip advised you to not give out your number. Get the other person's number and block your caller ID. If the other person makes a big fuss and demands your number or other personal information, take it as a red flag.
5. Read the other person's profile carefully. Some people lie about their age, height or weight, or post pictures that are several years old. Some people may even be married when they claim to be single. If you feel you're being lied to, just end the contact.
6. Don't e-mail or talk on the phone forever. If you keep an e-mail/telephone relationship going for several weeks and become emotionally involved, you could be very disappointed when you finally meet.
7. Think Starbucks. The first date should always be a "coffee date" during the day. Have a friend call you about a half-hour into the date just in case you need an escape plan. If it's going well, say, "Oh, hi. I'm talking with this really fascinating person."
8. Ask lots of questions. This is your best tool for finding out who this person really is and if you're compatible.
9. Pay attention to callbacks. When a woman says, "I'll call you," she means within a day. When a guy says it, he means within a decade. If you don't get a call from someone you've met within two or three days, it may be time to move on.
10. Take your time. Many people have successfully hooked up on the Net, but don't pour your heart into a person until you've spent a couple of months getting to know him or her.

Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., has resided and practiced in Westlake Village, Calif., for a decade. Contact him at Barton@EmotionalFitness.net.

About the Author Psychotherapist, international speaker and management consultant Barton J. Goldsmith, Ph.D., MFT, has spent more than two decades teaching communication skills that can de-escalate confrontational situations. In his work with couples and families, Dr. Goldsmith provides practical and down-to-earth techniques that provide a non-threatening forum for families to work out their difficulties. Dr. Goldsmith writes for more than 80 publications, including the Los Angeles Business Journal. He has authored several books including The Millionaire Toolkit, Passionate Leadership, Relationships 101 and collaborated with best-selling author Louise L. Hay on A Garden of Thoughts. He was also a major contributor to The Making of a Millionaire and Brothers Together: Stories that Have Anchored Our Souls. In addition, he is a faculty member at Ryokan College and vice president of Universal Education Centers.

If you enjoy this article by Dr. Barton Goldsmith, you may enjoy checking out his website where he offers a free weekly "emotional fitness" e-mail. You may also like his upcoming book, Emotional Fitness for Couples: 10 Minutes a Day to a Better Relationship due out shortly.

On his articles page there is an interesting article about how men and women communicate called "Men Talk One Way, Women Talk Another" that's worth the time to read. Another great one is "Barton's Top 10 Tips for a Healthy, Happy Relationship".